How To Stay Calm And Avoid A Fight

We've all been there. You and your spouse or partner get into a fight over who knows what, or you and your child/teen start fighting over their messy bedroom. Whatever the case, I hope these pointers can help relax an argument, if not prevent it altogether! For purposes of this post, let's say you're fighting with your partner, but of course the advice is applicable to arguments in general, so you can change the words to fit your situation.

1. Don't yell. If the other person has raised his or her voice, your natural response will be to raise yours in return. But don't do it. Instead, force yourself to continue speaking in a calm, well-modulated voice, even when someone is in your face making demands or getting critical. Calm is often contagious, so if you can maintain self-control, chances are your opponent will follow suit.
　　
2. Watch your body language. Tensing muscles is normal when under duress. But become aware of when you start to clench your fists or fold your arms across your chest. Either posture puts you in the position of looking like you're ready to fight, whether verbally or physically. Instead, let your arms hang naturally at your sides. Keep a neutral expression on your face or offer a gentle, empathetic smile on occasion. Maintain casual eye contact to show that you are listening. Face the person directly without turning sideways or interrupting the conversation to speak to someone else, unless it is necessary.

Speak as if there were a small, sleeping baby in the room next to you. You've breathed, you're (slightly) more relaxed, and you've opened your mouth to speak. Now's the time to really break out that imagination of yours and pretend that there's a sleeping baby in the room that you really don't want to wake up. This should keep your voice at a calm, soft range, and, as a bonus, your fighting partner will cool her jets because she won't feel threatened or challenged!

Put your hands in your pockets. It sounds a little strange, but it works. A lot of the energy that comes out when we have fights is conjured up by moving our hands around, pointing fingers, sometimes even raising fists. Putting your hands in your pockets and keeping them there prevents excess energy from going to where it's doing more harm than good.

Speak slowly. This last step might prove a little difficult. When we're angry, we have a tendency to spew out profanities or speeches that really don't get us anywhere, even if what we're saying is true or productive. Remember what your parents used to say about thinking before you speak? Exactly. Talking fast in an argument, even though we often do it without realizing it, can lead to saying something you might regret later.

Keep your voice at a pace you would use if you were talking to the person normally; you can even take it a bit slower, if you want to. Talking slower can also cause you to breathe more, which can take us back to Step One, and can essentially calm us down.

Some of these techniques work best if practiced before stress and conflict arise; they will be more effective and you will respond more quickly. Shifting from the high level “fight or flight” to a calmer,relaxed state will allow you to effectively communicate your thoughts to your partner and listen to his/her ideas.

So now, you have both spent some time apart reflecting on the argument. But first, he did some deep breathing, listened to some sublime music and you took Buddy for an invigorating walk. You both decide to express the honest rationale for your desired choice of vacation. He shares that because of the stress at work, he wants to be in nature and away from people, except you! You agree about the work stress, but want to be by the ocean and don’t want all the work involved with camping. You find a superb little get away with a secluded beach and hiking trails. Ahhh, bliss!

Each Person Is Waiting To Speak His Or Her Mind

If you ask most people what the opposite of talking is, they will say it is listening. The truth, though, is that the opposite of talking is waiting to talk. Pay attention to conversations and you will see that there is very little listening going on. Each person is waiting to speak their mind, nearly heedless of what the other person is really saying.

Learning the art of listening can help you become more successful in business and in your personal life. You can develop deeper friendships, keener professional awareness, and a more meaningful understanding with your partner. You can experience greater fulfillment in your relationships due to conversations holding a deeper meaning.

Learning to listen means learning to actually pay attention to -- to concentrate on -- what other people are saying. Listening to their words as if listening to a favorite song, with your mind focused on what they are saying and what it means. Concentrated listening is also called "active listening" or "deep listening." Deep listening gives greatly increased concentration, enjoyment of music as well as other humans, and -- perhaps most importantly -- a profoundly positive shift in the quality of relationships.

Listening with concentration can be called active listening because we are not just passively allowing speech to enter our ears, but instead are bringing as much of our listening capacity into the act as possible. Our ears become hungry for the words they are listening to, and chew the words as finely as possible before digesting them.

The first step in learning to listen is to learn to be quiet. Make a friend of silence. This can be difficult because nobody wants to be thought of as dull. There is a natural desire to respond quickly, and to be seen as interesting and smart. But if you resist this urge even a little bit, a new thing can begin to happen.

Surveys show that workplace miscommunication has high costs, including lowered productivity, increased turnover, and higher stress. Most people want to be heard but rarely make the effort to listen to others. Effective, thoughtful listening can help avoid troubled communications that lead to such unwanted outcomes as:

Lawsuits and claims: One study found that poor physician/patient communication -- such as miscommunication or the patient not feeling heard by the physician -- showed up frequently in the details of malpractice suits. Another study links increased harassment claims with inappropriate workplace communication.

Low morale: In a time when retaining and recruiting top-notch talent is tough, alienating your employees can be very costly. Studies show that employees choosing to leave a company often include the poor interpersonal skills of a supervisor and/or coworkers among chief complaints.

Lost respect: A key trait of influential people is facility with listening and understanding another's perspective. Interpersonal skills are now high on the list of the abilities that make an individual successful in the workplace.

Misunderstandings: These can turn a discussion into a conflict, or sour a valued relationship. Other repercussions include a high percentage of time lost to personality squabbles, according to several recent studies.

You will actually feel smarter and more concentrated. Your mind is doing one thing at a time: listening when it's time to listen, and responding when it's time to respond. Thinking of your response while trying to listen is juggling, and causes you to lose a lot of brainpower to the juggling overhead. If everything you are saying to each other can be said with no actual reflection, then it's probably not that worth saying anyway.

As you learn to do this, try to listen more deeply while they are speaking. Dedicate the entire time they are speaking to actually hearing their words, not listening to your own mental reaction to them. If you practice this enough, not only will your concentration power begin to get quite strong, but you will have some of the best conversations you've ever had. And others will begin to slow down and listen to you as well.

It's human nature. We want people to listen to us … yet we rarely have the experience of being deeply heard by others. There are so many calls on our attention that, most of the time, we tune each other out in normal conversation. But when we actually listen to others, we can learn a lot. What's more, the people who are speaking perceive our attention as respect and validation.

It Is Possible For Public Speaking To Be Fun And Hugely Satisfying

There are many things you can do to ensure that your verbal messages are understood time and time again.
　　
It is possible for public speaking to be fun and hugely satisfying. Once you'e enjoyed a presentation, or even part of it, your self confidence will get a huge boost and you'll be off and running! Give yourself the best chance by using the exercises and tips on this page. Good luck!

Body language is important. Standing, walking or moving about with appropriate hand gesture or facial expression is preferred to sitting down or standing still with head down and reading from a prepared speech. Use audio-visual aids or props for enhancement if appropriate and necessary. Master the use of presentation software such as PowerPoint well before your presentation. Do not over-dazzle your audience with excessive use of animation, sound clips, or gaudy colors which are inappropriate for your topic. Do not torture your audience by putting a lengthy document in tiny print on an overhead and reading it out to them.
　　
Speak with conviction as if you really believe in what you are saying. Persuade your audience effectively. The material you present orally should have the same ingredients as that which are required for a written research paper, i.e. a logical progression from INTRODUCTION (Thesis statement) to BODY (strong supporting arguments, accurate and up-to-date information) to CONCLUSION (re-state thesis, summary, and logical conclusion).
　　
Do not read from notes for any extended length of time although it is quite acceptable to glance at your notes infrequently. Speak loudly and clearly. Sound confident. Do not mumble. If you made an error, correct it, and continue. No need to make excuses or apologize profusely.
　　
Maintain sincere eye contact with your audience. Use the 3-second method, e.g. look straight into the eyes of a person in the audience for 3 seconds at a time. Have direct eye contact with a number of people in the audience, and every now and then glance at the whole audience while speaking. Use your eye contact to make everyone in your audience feel involved.
　　
Speak to your audience, listen to their questions, respond to their reactions, adjust and adapt. If what you have prepared is obviously not getting across to your audience, change your strategy mid-stream if you are well prepared to do so. Remember that communication is the key to a successful presentation. If you are short of time, know what can be safely left out. If you have extra time, know what could be effectively added. Always be prepared for the unexpected.
　　
Pause. Allow yourself and your audience a little time to reflect and think. Don't race through your presentation and leave your audience, as well as yourself, feeling out of breath.

Add humor whenever appropriate and possible. Keep audience interested throughout your entire presentation. Remember that an interesting speech makes time fly, but a boring speech is always too long to endure even if the presentation time is the same.
　　
Preparation is underrated. In fact, it is one of the most important factors in determining your communication successes. When possible, set meeting times and speaking and presentation times well in advance, thus allowing yourself the time you need to prepare your communications, mindful of the entire communication process (source, encoding, channel, decoding, receiver, feedback and context). By paying close attention to each of these stages and preparing accordingly, you ensure your communications will be more effective and better understood.
　　
Of course, not all communications can be scheduled. In this case, preparation may mean hav
　　
Hopefully these tricks will be able to help you as they had helped me in overcoming fear of public speaking.1) Admit nervousnessAll you have to do is admit that you are a bit nervous speaking to your audience. When you do this, the audience will be more forgiving if your nervousness shows up later on. More importantly you will feel more relaxed now that they are not expecting a world-class presentation. Imagine their surprise when you gave them the best presentation ever despite your nervousness.The best way to do this is by joking about it.

Here’s an example of a good one. “On the way here, only God and I knew what I will be presenting. (looking a bit nervous) Now, only God knows.”2) Redefine your audienceRedefine your audience generally means changing how you see your audience. Instead of seeing them as lecturers who are evaluating you, maybe you can convince yourself that they are all fellow students who are in queue to present after you. They are all equally nervous so there is no reason why you should be too.Or perceive them as long lost friends that you haven’t seen for 10 years. This way you can maintain eye contact trying to figure out where you have seen him before. To the audiences, they will see a very friendly and personal presentation.

Do not try to convince yourself that they are babies in diapers or that nobody is around as suggested by some books. It is very hard to convince yourself that no one is around when you are actually speaking to them.3) Invest in visual aidsImagine a presentation with beautiful PowerPoint slides and even more impressive notes given to each of your audiencemembers. Half of the time, their eyes will not be on you. They will read through the notes and your fancy slides. This will help a lot as you can then speak to the people who are not looking at you. When they look at you, you just change your focus to other people who are not looking. Giving a speech to people who are not looking at you is always easier.ing a good, thorough understanding of the office goings-on, enabling you to communicate with the knowledge you need to be effective, both through verbal and written communications.

Introvert Does Not Matter Much In Your Life, Just Be Happy

I wrote this list in late-2008. Around that time, I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D. It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and productive context.
　　
Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.
　　
A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of contemplation takes place.
　　
Undervaluing extroversion. Spending time alone and with people are equally important. If you’re very introverted, you may undervalue the positive role people can play in your life, such as knowledge, friendship, growth, laughter, and so on. The optimal outcome is to strike a balance between the two. You don’t have to give up the introvert activities you enjoy. In fact, when you balance them with more social activities, you’ll probably find them even more satisfying. After several nights of being around people, I really look forward to a night by myself to read, meditate, write, etc. And after lots of time alone or with my family, I’m itching to go out and be around other people.
　　
Underdeveloped social skills. Social skills can be learned like any other skill set. One reason introverts shy away from social activities is that they don’t feel comfortable because they don’t know what to do, especially if the unexpected were to occur. Being able to start up a conversation with a stranger AND feel completely comfortable doing it is a learnable skill. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Embrace the fact that you’re a beginner, and don’t compare yourself to others.
　　
Envisioning yourself as the wrong kind of extrovert. If you find the extroverted people around you shallow and perhaps even annoying, why would you want to be more like them? You wouldn’t. When I was a kid, I really didn’t want to be more like the extroverts I knew. Even as an adult, my vision of an extrovert was an in-your-face salesperson who only wanted to build a shallow relationship with you so they could sell you something. It seemed very fake and phony to me. And of course that vision prevented me from ever wanting to be like that. But you needn’t choose such a limited vision for yourself — you’re free to form your own vision of a positive way to be more extroverted.
　　
Hanging out with the wrong people. Why would you want to spend more time with people you don’t like? If becoming more extroverted means spending more time with people you’d rather avoid, you’ll have no motivation to do it. Again, you’re free to break this pattern and form a social group that you’d love to be a part of.
　　
Overvaluing online socializing. Online socializing has its place in your life, but it’s a pale shadow compared to face-to-face, belly-to-belly communication. Voice and body language can communicate a lot more than text, and emotional bonds are easier and faster to establish in person. I feel much closer to the local friends I’ve known for only a few months than I do to the people I’ve known online for years but never met in person. It’s just not as fun going out to dinner with a laptop. You don’t have to do away with online socializing, but don’t allow it to crowd out meeting people locally. If you do that, you’ll only cause your interpersonal skills to lag further behind.
　　
If you have some of these blocks and want to get past them, the first step is to acknowledge them and consider how they’re holding you back. Then begin to work on them just as you would any other challenge in your life. Focus your intentions, set goals, make plans, and start taking action. It may be awkward and clumsy at first, but just accept that, and get moving anyway.
　　
Assert yourself as a legitimate personality type.
　　
There are two legitimate personality types: extroverts and introverts.2. Correct people when they refer to introverts as neurotics.
　　
Introverts are not neurotics. They are introverts.3. Correct people when they refer to introverts as prone to mental illness.
　　
Introverts are no more prone to mental illness than others. When extroverts are under stress, they overeat, smoke, drink and become violent. When introverts are under stress, they withdraw. This does not make them mentally ill.4. Correct people when they assert that introverts are anti-social.
　　
Introverts are not anti-social. They are drained by other people and must limit their time in company, but they are friendly and loving people.5. Correct people when they assert that introverts have nothing to say.
　　
On the contrary, introverts won’t speak unless they have something important to say! Put a proper value on your ability to be a good listener.
　　
Good listening skills are invaluable in all areas of business and industry.7. Do not apologize for time spent alone.
　　
Explain to critical “others” that introverts need to spend at least half their time alone for good mental and emotional health. Then assert, if necessary, that introverts are a legitimate personality type.8. Introverts are not losers.
　　
Take pride that you are in the company of such introverts, past and present, as Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles Darwin, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jordan and Bruce Lee.9. Stand up for introverted children who are being misunderstood in your presence.
　　
This is one of the most healing things you can possibly do for yourself as it will heal your own inner child.10. Don’t let pushy extroverts interrupt you while you’re reading a good book.
　　
Explain politely that you can’t talk right now, you’re reading a book.

Dozens Of Skills Are An Essential Part Of The Art Of Public Speaking

Public speaking is somewhat of an art that has to be practiced before it can be fully mastered. Even some of the best public speakers in the world still can find improvements that need to be made with regard to this ability.

Maybe you are just starting out in the area of public speaking or you've been doing it for a while, you can get better and overcome fears as well.

Most public speaking is in the form of some sort of presentation that needs to be related to an audience of people. It starts with an introduction, the discussion, and then a conclusion. It can even be timed.
For instance you may be called to give a 10-30 minute discussion on a topic. How well you are able to explain yourself and the material can mean the difference between more clients or even a promotion.

If you want to master public speaking, then you need master the public speaking skills. There are dozens of skills required in a talk. These skills are an essential part of the art of public speaking and are especially important in persuasive speaking. How do you measure up in just 10 of the skills?

In the following you will find the skills and a brief explanation of what the skill is or requires.

Informative to the Audience
To be informative to the audience it needs the all important 'what's in it for me' factor. It also needs to go beyond just facts and figures. The information needs to be massaged in a way the audience can use it.

Know the Make Up of Your Audience
Seemingly obvious, this is often overlooked. For instance, you would think that you will speak to doctors differently than people without a health care background. However with all the information overload doctors deal with, most want the common version, the one they will share with their patients. Know how the audience will best receive the material you deliver.

Introductions that Capture Attention
The introduction is the key that unlocks the door of the mind so that what you say might be listened to. It is essential that the words used and the way they are used are effective in capturing the attention of the listener. Although this may seem one of the more basic speaker skills, it is in reality one of the most important.

Accurate Pronunciation
Imagine listening to a great speaker who constantly mispronounces words. Will you wonder if it is because he did not know. If he did not know, then how credible is everything else he has to say.

Words Clearly Spoken
Like pronunciation, clarity is essential. Whach-y-all-do-in (what's you all doing) may be acceptable when we are with friends, but when speaking into a microphone, it can be annoying to the audience. A lack of clarity can result in sound that you would not want to use in public. Even worse, slurred words are the sign and symptom of a stroke. Someone may call 911 not only to rescue the audience, but mistakenly (as far as the stroke is concerned) to rescue you.

This is one of the public speaking skills we may take for granted but also may get us in trouble.

Fluency
Fluency refers to the flow of your thoughts. The speech that is fluent sounds like a harmonious whole rather than several small and fragmented pieces of thought tightly tucked together.

Avoiding Word Whiskers
In addition to the common word whiskers, and uh, and uh and uh would be the venerable, 'and now.' Or sometimes just plain 'now.' Speaking in Spanish a common word whisker is 'therefor.' There are many other word whiskers, 'you know.' Using them once can in some instances be acceptable. Using them over and over is distracting and annoying to the listener, uh, and now you know.

Pausing
Pausing can be for emphasis or for effect. It is a speaker skill that is often underused. Pause mid sentence to emphasize a particular word or part of the thought. Pause before making a bold statement or to emphasize the statement. Pause no less than one second and not much longer than three. This is one of the more difficult of the speaker skills to master and be natural.

Sense stress
Putting the right stress on the right words or right part of the section of a talk is an art that needs practice. Inexperienced speakers will be found giving sense stress to more than one part of a sentence or in more than one part of a thought being shared.

Enthusiastic Presentation
Did you know there are two kinds of smiles. One is a put on or Pan Am Smile and the other is a real smile. Enthusiasm can be just like the smile. It can sound put on or it can sound real. Learning how to master the real is essential for great speaking. Mastering this along with other speaker skills will make a talk come alive.
These are only overviews of 10 of the many speaker skills. To master public speaking means to master the public speaker skills. The ultimate practice will come in front of an audience. Learn them, practice them and once proficient, you will have attained speech mastery.

Techniques For Improving Your English Speaking Skills

Do you want to improve your English speaking skills? Many people say that after certain age, it's just impossible to improve pronunciation of your second language. They are wrong. If you can learn how to swim or play the piano, you can also learn a new accent! Try methods listed below and I'm sure your pronunciation will greatly improve in the course of time. These methods are for people who like learning while having fun.

My first piece of advice is to stop trying to sound like a native speaker. Instead, try to speak clearly and concisely. People living in different parts of the world speak English in their own style and that is perfectly acceptable. It is estimated that over a billion people speak English as a second language. Only a few among them manage to speak English like native speakers do. On the flip side, there are only around 380 million native speakers out there. That means you are in the majority.

If you are not skilled at speaking English, then the course might be for you. The ability to speak English well helps you function well so that you can correspond well with the international transactions.

Techniques for Improving your English Speaking Skills

Get into an English Speaking Course: English learning courses are offered these days through distance learning, although the best course is one that is conducted in the classroom. There are various kinds of courses that are available for enhancing your English speaking skills. Check with a local service provider or a local library, conducting an online search or contacting the local school district. A lot of organizations offer ESL courses which offer training in English as a Second Language. With the help of the classroom environment, you can obtain personal support from qualified instructors. It also acts as an offer to help you regularly attend and progress with your skills.

Do your Homework: You can hone your skills by going for perfection. This is true especially if you are trying to learn a new language. If you have been given an assignment, try and complete it within the time limit that is given. Check out the supplementary learning equipment that is available in the library. Your learning tools for improving English speaking skills would be the dictionary that translates the words in your native language into English.

Interaction is Important: Get in touch with people who are fluent in English or speak the language in their homes. You can start speaking the language at home or even in your daily interactions. Feedback and repetition will be of immense help and reinforce all that you have learned in the classroom.

Speak in Public: Speaking the language in public offers better chances of improving your English speaking skills. One of the most important components of learning to speak English fluently is to be able to speak the language in public. It is important for you to speak to the interviewer or a group of interviewers under stressful circumstances. Remember, you should maintain eye contact, speak without interruptions and use flashcards.

Experiment with your English Knowledge: You can improve your English speaking abilities by communicating effectively and easily. Practice wherever you can and whenever you can. Any kind of practice is good for improving your English speaking skills. It does not matter if you are speaking with a native English speaker or someone who has acquired the language. All you need to do is use the knowledge you have acquired. Use a simple structure for the sentences and make sure you are aware if the structure is correct. This will help you concentrate on getting the message across.

Respond to What People are Telling You: Try responding to what the people have to tell you. In case you cannot make out what they are saying, try assessing their body language. Respond in a natural way.

Fill in the Conversation Once you Slip: While carrying out a conversation, it is best to use as many new words as possible. In case you forget a word, you should do what the native English speakers keep doing and fill up the conversation. This is a lot better than staying mum. In case you forget the word, use fillers like umm, eer etc.

Do not Be a Fast Speaker: If you seriously want to improve your English speaking skills, don't rush with what you have to say. This is why you should use a natural rhythm in your speech and at the same time the listener should grab and understand what you are trying to say.

Relaxation is the Key: Your mouth does most of the pronunciation and if you are speaking the language at normal speed, you will discover that a lot of your pronunciation skills like the ability to link the words in between happen automatically.

You can improve your English speaking skills without getting involved in expensive courses. It is important to immerse yourself within the language. Start conversing in the language with those who are fluent and proficient. Watch programs where English is spoken at usual speed like the news and other discussions. You could even listen to the radio and follow the tips that we have provided above. These are easy to follow and practice. Remember, if you speak the language and feel its sounds, it will naturally come to you.